I'm afraid of bridges and not metaphorically. When I cross a bridge on foot, I'm terrified I'll throw something off. Something I need. Keys. Phone. Social security card. Shoes. I have never pitched anything over the side of a bridge. I have no reason to believe I will ever throw anything I need off the side of a bridge. I still get afraid. Every time.
Like bridges, I'm afraid of sitting in a theater when the actors on stage are totally silent. For that moment, I think,
"Yell! Yell, really loud."
"Don't yell!" I tell myself.
"C'mon. Yell. Everyone will look at you."
"Don't yell! Nobody wants to look at you."
"Make a big scene! Fill the silence."
"Stop thinking that."
"All these people will think about you all night."
"That's an awful idea. The worst one."
"Some might remember you after they have forgotten the play"
The actor speaks, and my mind is silenced. Until, again.
I dropped my keys on the floor of the theater, once.
It made a loud noise. I didn't notice anybody notice.
It'd make a big noise if I threw myself off a bridge,
but that seems impractical.
kmc
Do you think your fear of bridges is what makes you like that song, "Ode to Billie Joe"?
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic. I can relate to much of it more than i should admit.
ReplyDeleteOn bridges more than a couple feet high I'm always afraid it's going to crumble out beneath me.
ReplyDeleteI've had dreams where I and my family were in a car (the car we had when I was very young, with my father driving, as he would) driving up a very tall, very narrow bridge. The road takes dramatic ups and downs and makes me intensely anxious but nothing ever happens. One time we were on a single-lane arcing up to the tops of some very tall and densely placed major metro buildings. I'm not sure I'd call it a bridge at this point--it was just a single lane of asphalt with nothing on its sides that went ridiculously up and down. All the street's lanes did it, each differently.
I remember a lot of dreams from long long ago with absurd detail.